Best Keanu: “He’s always been there. I know that now. Watching. Waiting. Playing us like a game.”

It’s always the most pious that eventually sleep with the devil — that was literally the case for Alice Lomax, whose son Kevin grew up to be a highly successful lawyer with an unblemished win record and a roster of some morally questionable clients.

In The Devil’s Advocate, Kevin Lomax is played by Keanu Reeves, who somehow got top billing over Al Pacino, who plays the devil. Such was the movie world in 1997, although Keanu apparently took a pay cut so the film could afford Pacino.

I hadn’t seen this movie in 25 years. But some things just stick in your brain, like the demon running through the otherwise-impeccable body of Jackie, the neighbour of Kevin and his wife Mary Ann. And, of course, the film’s opening scene, which I never quite forgot. Over the years, I might see glimpses of The Devil’s Advocate or hear it referenced, and my mind would flash back: “that was the film with that scene, I think. Yes, it was.”

I don’t think Devil’s Advocate was considered a bad movie, as such, in 1997. It may have been a disappointing one, saved only by Al Pacino’s performance as the devil — which soars when he explains to Kevin that humanity’s failings aren’t his fault, exactly, since all he does is tempt and free will takes care of the rest — and Keanu, again feigning something of a respectable southern accent and spending most of the movie with his shirt on.

I make that latter point because I watched The Devil’s Advocate a day or two after seeing Sweet November, the second Charlize Theron-Keanu Reeves pairing that came along a few years later in 2001. Charlize and Keanu show a lot of skin in Sweet November. You might not notice it if you only sit down to watch it once, but if you were me and had to camp in front of your computer to finish piles of overdue assignments, and had it playing muted on a loop in the background as you tried to work, you would notice it a lot.

Every time you looked up: ah yes, Charlize and Keanu. Making out. Keanu with his shirt off. Again. Charlize showing off her shape. Again. I would have to say that Sweet November may be even better with the sound off, when you’re half watching it at 3 a.m., brain filled with whatever topic you are supposed to be focused on for the sake of the people who give you money to write for them.

But I digress.

Charlize, for her part, is absolutely hilarious in The Devil’s Advocate. I am sure she didn’t mean to be. But I am also sure that Mary Ann Lomax didn’t expect to see demons everywhere once her lawyer husband accepted the offer of a lifetime to relocate from Gainesville to work at a little-known, but somehow influential and wealthy, firm in New York.

Charlize, when she’s not literally losing her mind — or her ovaries — to the evil that’s in the walls, is crying or yelling at Kevin or seeing distorted faces in the devil’s associates. Kevin, as a terrible movie husband, ignores her. He also recommends getting her into a hot bath to make her feel better after she’s had visions of her ovaries in a bloody mess outside of her body, and has gotten news from the doctor that she can’t have children.

Mary Ann, in a brief moment, is totally naked, having thrown off a massive duvet she was wrapped in while huddled in a church pew, crying about how the devil “fucked” her. She’s got the slashes all over her naked body to prove it to her husband.

There are lots and lots of naked women in The Devil’s Advocate. I remembered that too, once the movie got going. When Jackie asks Mary Ann to assess her breasts, of which Jackie is particularly proud and for which she credits her doctor, I remember thinking in 1997, “yes, those are nice breasts.” In 2022, I thought, “yes, I remember thinking, nice breasts. Those are still nice breasts.” And then a demon runs through them, along with every other part of her body.

As I type that, I’m acutely aware of how I grumbled over the male gaze in Constantine and spoke at length about how I wouldn’t objectify Keanu Reeves by discussing his face or body in Point Break or any other film. Truth is, it’s hard to avoid, whether Keanu is movie-naked with River Phoenix in My Own Private Idaho or movie-naked with Charlize, or his character in Knock Knock is hiding his morning-after-the-ill-advised-threeway dad bod with a bedsheet.

Movies are a visual medium. Right now, I get it. And The Devil’s Advocate would never have reached the status of a great bad film without all the nakedness. We could be fair though, and had more, oh, I don’t know. Naked folks everywhere. This movie is about sin and temptation, after all, right? Why are only women the symbols of sin and temptation? I want more gender equity in nakedness!

But I digress.

I would normally never condescend to Keanu and say he “held his own” in a scene, but since the person he’s opposite is legit legend Al Pacino, it’s a valid compliment. When John Milton tries to convince Kevin to carry on the family business, it’s quasi-compelling drama when it could have been, well, just about anything. One should also mention Connie Nielsen in that scene, but she’s a woman in The Devil’s Advocate, which means her main job is to be naked and talk about how attractive other women are.

Will I ever watch The Devil’s Advocate again? Play it on a loop on mute while I am trying, desperately, to get work done? No. Twice, 25 years apart, was enough. But it’s definitely a contender for my growing list of top great bad Keanu Reeves movies, because you’ve got Keanu, you’ve got Al Pacino, you’ve got crying Charlize Theron, there’s a neat and tidy little ending, and yes, there’s at least one set of nice breasts.

April 2022